As the title may suggest this is my journey, a pathway from chaos to order told through poetry.  It’s an exciting, affecting, and meaningful story.  An interesting read for anyone to enjoy. I also believe it has the power to encourage anyone who is trying to find their place in the world, who may be lost searching for meaning, a story with answers to a better life.

The journey begins with chapter 1 ‘Ill Fated Energy’ written about episodes of mental confusion, mania and breakdowns. ‘Seeing Death’ describes a suicide attempt. For a time, I was what I can only describe myself as a street urchin, living a crazy life. If I wasn’t ‘fucking, thieving or fighting’, as was our saying, I was in prison and going nowhere very quickly as described in ‘Troublesome’ chapter 2.

Chapter 3, ‘Penetrating Words’ I’m trying to understand the opposite sex with lust, heartbreak, and betrayal.

I start to listen to my conscience in Chapter 4 ‘Winds of Change’ as my soul cried out for meaning. I plead with God to enter my life and He pushes me to seek out answers, looking where I least wanted to look, at myself.  From this, I found therapy, one of the toughest battles I’ve been through. However, also the most rewarding. Much of this chapter reflects on my therapeutic process. The poem ‘Thy Will be Done’ is written to my daughter which I wrote after one tough session.  During therapy I felt the chains coming off one by one with each session. ‘Wild Winds’ is written about my therapist Dr. Melany Ball, and where I was as we departed ways.

‘Into the Light’ the 5th and final chapter, where it all starts falling together, and I share the answers to my deepest questions.  I also find true love with a tall blonde, who looked at me twice and inspired me in abundance to write of falling in love and the answers to transformation. Finally, I could not have been able to write this book or face my problems without reading 12 RULES FOR LIFE by Dr. Jordan B. Peterson and A MANS SEARCH FOR MEANING by Dr. Viktor E. Frankl.  I thank God for their wisdom, care, and encouragement.  Thank you and enjoy, K.L. Smith.

Please feel free to take a look on amazon and leave a review.

(links provided)


Is a hug a gift from God?

Is a hug a gift from God?
a squeeze can brighten
the most darkest of day, 
for a warm embrace, who
doesn't wish to stay?
Is a hug a gift from God?
cuddles the heart does treasure,
in receiving, oh what a pleasure.
Is a hug a gift from God?
it's an act never to be 
taken lightly,
infact, clasp, clasp tightly. 
Is a hug a gift from God?
they visit wholehearted,
not half, never quarter.
A hug must be a gift from God,
as I am in heaven, when its 
snuggies with my daughter. 

Let thee rhyme (through ADHD)

Indulge in the mystery 
grasp the suspense, 
set sail in the search 
hail the pretense.

Jump hop and spring,
like a harmonic choir 
let thee sing.

Where is the time 
that waits for no one,
lying quiescent,
if so, what from?

Plié, twist and dance,
like a tunnel of love 
let thee romance.

We will meet in the after,
and once again 
bathe in the past laughter.

Yours, theirs and also mine, 
like a poetical lunatic
let thee rhyme. 


I’m Free

My reality, I submit onto the spirit
as feelings form into tears
with each tear I taste
I realize again faith is sufficient.

It's difficult to accept matters of this world
flesh will more than condemn
hope slides seeming all to to be lost.

His blood again has cleansed me
spirit lead me where I need to stand
raindrops become my rhythm
this world can keep its merry band.

Through his painful attacks
my arms reached out in praise
I need not a silver cloud
nor even the wings of an angel
to remind me who I serve to know
whom is my Lord.

He was flogged and tortured.
He carried His cross.
His blood shed for me
I’m not imprisoned by guilt
but through his love like the truth
I'm free.


Red apple treat (temptation)

Like the addict there's a craving, 
appetite for the need.
Fantasies thriving, 
irritation for greed.

Summon a resistant, 
so stunning too weak.
Redolence, sweet,
oh to taste the 
red apple treat. 

Call on divinity, 
interrogate the same faith,
inside demand, so unsafe.

Whirlwinds, wisp a whisper,
of a needing inducing sin, 
ferocious, the conflict within.  

Remembering ( before lock up )

Feels like I've been 
here so long,
so I strain to think back
to when things weren't so wrong.

But all I see is my hands 
cuffed in a sweatbox, 
so I strive even harder,
trying to forget about locks. 

No! I'm in a cold court cell,
and like a scared snail,
I retreat alone into my shell.

Still thinking endeavouring 
to remember, but all I can see
is a man in a wig,
dictating my future and 
how I am going to live.

'Stand up! Sit down!'
Fixed on thinking is 
causing me to frown.

And then, I remember
the girls! the beach! the sun!
back in the days 
when it was fun.

Attempting to stay in this 
memory, until this time has past,
getting there can't
come too fast. 

Angels Of Mercy (NHS)

The enemy came raging, 
waging war on us all.
with no defence, 
for us they did not stall. 

Destroying from inside, 
our cells as it's host,
in their bravery 
we heard no boast. 

Angels of mercy 
we are grateful for your grit,
the nations indebted, 
you make each proud to be a Brit. 

In this conflict 
you are our frontline,
the countries very best 
at this critical time. 

We were hit with force ,
 so stay in,
 so they can stay on course. 

Do your bit 
whilst they go the extra yard,
they will soon be doted 
but for now they strike hard.

Please equip them properly 
with every piece, 
so they can smash us to victory 
like Stokes is at the crease.  


Keeping Faith

I am unsure why when 
I am alone in this cell,
I start to dwell on 
heaven and hell.

Much I have lost within 
these four walls,
lost, gone. 
Insignificant to all.

Wanting right now as 
my mind is dense,
In this hole, 
this hole of belligerence. 

Salvation from above 
can it really rescue me,
before my soul drowns
 in this adversity. 

The ringing of despair 
cannons of every wall,
with night after night 
of solitude
I get so dazed 
and confused with it all.

However my heart
knows there is more,
So I turn to the cross, 
and the mercy of God 
I do pray for.

So on this perilous path 
however unsafe,
I will drip away this stone 
I will always keep faith. 

Feather of Paradise

Through the window
and next to me,
graciously landing  
a flawless white feather, 
like on the morning
of her funeral, 
with the same strength 
forcing me to pause, 
calmly, needing no applause.

those armies he built 
are falling,
pirouettes in the breeze,
there all along
even when I was crawling.

Alas a resistance
of a campaign of struggle 
spoken was the truth, 
verity, an end.
Brings a platitude of power,
like poems for a friend. 

I was close to death, 
but those closer, 
a messenger of God, 
even Michael 
much more than a carer. 
Remembering prayers of trust,
not tainted with why, 
Nazareth be nigh!

High into the mystic I soar, 
attend and hear 
observe and behold, 
digest the trumpets 
and wait for Gabriel, 
pronouncing durability 
into the unstable.

I drop, arms stretched
into the smoke that thunders, 
soaked in love 
I resurface 
with the skulls of kings, 
I have faith in the one He sent, 
and I accept 
what this feather 
of paradise brings. 

He is love

Suffered in His love for our sin,
overwhelmed in
my acknowledgement,
I embrace my gift and win.
A relationship for offer,
personal and true.
Re-established by the spirit 
when inside He flew.
Son of man at the core 
anoint in the rainfall of life
a sacrifice so pure,
Grace so kind. love,
heart, soul, and mind.
Wind in the sail,
He is love. 
Love, will never fail.

The Harbour

They decide to take one last walk around the harbour.
Many thoughts clogging both their minds keeping them
silent to each other. Their hands tightly graspsed so
tightly, the diamond ring that he bought her begins to
pierce his finger, he dare not loosen his grip, he never
wants to let her go.
They look out passed the calm green waters. The wind 
blowing the air straight towards them, they smell the sea 
and taste the salt. With yesterdays news at the forefront
of his mind he sighs, knowing he will miss this beautiful
sight, but not nearly as much as her and all her ways.
 The seagulls circle the trawler, singing with excitment.
A scurrying crab distracts and his eyes follow noticing
the boats coming in. Just behind the rocks where they first
kissed. A lonely tear rolls down his face.
He looks to the heavens and pleads for another option, he 
waits but no reply comes back. The hardest decision of his
tormented life, he sighs again in acceptence knowing he's
the man chosen to do it. Carrying his responsibilty, like 
the cross.

April Sky

I gaze at the marble church as we pull into the hospital.
Not one space in the car park to be found. 3,4 minutes now
the numbness stood down as the irratation is wound.
A moment away from jumping the walls of this rolling penitentiary,
as Vinny darts into a gap on the grass verge, which has been waiting
with a sympathetic heart.
My Mother takes out her phone an calls Mark, the family liaison officer "I'll be waiting at the main entrance" I hear him say.
My Mother is starting to look empty inside. I muster up a smile,
she accepets with one of her own, and for a second it was like her
daughter was still alive.
I see the florescent coat first then the man standing straight with hat respectfully tucked under his arm. We greet an he's polite.
"It's just up here, a bit of construction being done on the next
building" he said. As some idiot comes speeding passed us, Mark takes his reg.
The sound of machinery distracts, an with each step becomes louder.
And I wish I was still imprisoned in that rolling penitentiary as I see a solitary buiding that reads 'chapel of rest'.
Anxiety pollutes my brain, we enter and I'm hit with leaflets of grief and loss. There is one lonely blue door, my kid sister on the other side. There is speaking but not one word do I hear. I feel my Grandmothers hand touch my back, with each tap I'm filled with strength. The door opens my mother goes in, then does Vinny, but I can't I throw my tabs and hault, again I feel my Grandmothers hand and with love she guids me through. There she is, our kid, our Charlotte, she just looks like shes sleeping, lazy cow.
I'm unsure how long I stared or what they were all doing, but I just coudn't take it any longer, big rain drops of tears uncontrolably stream from my eyes and splash out of there perfect aerodynamic shapes into messy puddles of hurt.
I kiss her an I'm hit with an unforgiving shock of lightening as the coldness from the empty shell of her body freezes somewhere in my heart now never to return. I remove my lips and it takes the man in me to hold this confused and frightened little boy together.
"My little baby girl" again, I hear her say "my little baby girl".
My hands grip the metal support bars on her bed I shake them through fear getting firmer and regular.
"Wake her up Mum" I demand "tell her to get up Mum". They all know im a slight breeze away from loosing control.
My Mother looks at me calmly and says " she never listens to me anyway Karl". Tears again burst from my eyes.
I head out of the room and my Grandmother holds me tightly. I've never felt so close to Gran. There's things in life you cant do alone, and I know this is one of them.
I find myself outside on a little brickwall, I take in a deep breath.
I become fixed on a workman smoking, he receives a text an laughs. Today to him is just today like yesterday was just to us yesterday.
I look up, a beautiful and blue clear sky that's so calming to me.
And I know untill the day I'm knocking on heavens door, I'll long for the, April sky.